Do you remember the Karate Kid? Where Mr. Miyagi saved Daniel-son from immediate harm and gradually taught him techniques he needed to know through non-traditional means? For some reason, that was what I thought mentorship was like in the business world.
Wax on creative strategies that give me a competitive edge wax off myths that kept most executives from the top. Ultimately, giving me the tools to kick butt after dedicated practice.
Needless to say, that's not what I experienced.
Don't get me wrong; I've enjoyed the privilege of some really awesome mentors who have opened countless doors for me. Stephanie Chung is a great example of this, but unfortunately, that's not always the case. I've experienced others that fall into three categories:
"Great idea, I'll help you when you sell more people on it."
"Thank you for telling me what you need; let me remind you that you still need it"
"That's nice, now sit back and listen to my accolades."
After spending hours with these types of mentors, a wish to shout, "are you going to help me or not?!" quickly developed. Mostly because it seemed like they were only interested in attaching their name to a rising star, as opposed to cultivating one; if I hadn't checked it, my growing resentment could have easily deteriorated those relationships. Luckily, I listened to plenty of Ice Cube before doing anything drastic.
I realized that the type of help I was asking for probably wasn't given to them and that the time they were spending with me was actually more valuable than the time I was spending with them. This was extremely hard for any Millennial to admit, but the truth was... they were helping me. I just had to change the way I viewed their help.
Before I go any further, it has to be said that you must have already demonstrated that you can create value for this article to apply to you. You can't be the entry-level narcissist, demanding to be the CEO two weeks after being hired. You have to be the workhorse, looking for a way to get some of that C-level pie. Enter the executive mentor - with the connections, experience, and money to help you go Super Saiyan. You already know the basics; you're after those pro-tips to go it alone and/or be the boss.
That understanding is what should guide this first perspective shift with these three mentors.
ACCEPT WHO YOU ARE TALKING TO
They might be influential, well-off and/or connected, but the truth is they aren't THE boss. Meaning they can't call someone and get you hired on the spot from their name alone. They are just very close to someone who can. This also means they haven't found the keys to the career freedom you desire. In fact, your pursuit of it may remind them of what they are still missing.
The sooner you can discover if your mentor is a general or just a highly decorated lieutenant, the better. Your asks from them will change immediately after that. Don't get it twisted though; they are still very valuable. You simply have to stop wasting their time and yours on things they can't help you with. These include:
Finding & Securing Investors
Implementation & Execution
Prototype Development
Job Creation & Hiring
Ironically, they won't fully get on board unless these things are near completion, and this can be incredibly frustrating if you're requesting their assistance in building, creating, and starting these very same things.
When you change your perspective, you will learn that they are masters of:
Quality Testing & Fool Proofing
Brainstorming & Research
Referring & Exposure
Networking & Building Contacts
If there are any chinks in your armor, they will certainly find them, and this is a good thing because you don't want them to be seen by the boss. Lieutenants know how to spot excellence; they just have trouble re-creating it.
Ultimately, you have to find it within yourself to reach true excellence anyway, so while you're stretching yourself, make this second perspective shift.
BE A BOSS
I wasn't long until I ran into another obstacle with these types of mentors; I was trying to convey that I wanted to collaborate with them… right now. When they finally realized it, I was given an "aww, that's cute... maybe when you get older" speech.
After several of those, I was forced to re-think why I wasn't being taken seriously. I watched time and time again, as more seasoned executives got the green light on ideas I had been adamant about for months. To add insult to injury, they were strangers! Why did my words sound better from other people's lips? The ideas were good, so what was the deal? The problem was, I wasn't speaking like an expert. I was too busy being a humble mentee.
Being a boss is more than a just title; it's a conviction that you know what you're talking about, so others should listen. When you're dealing with semi-helpful mentors, you have to change your attitude from "can you help me with something I think is a good idea?' to "what's your perspective on this great idea that I'm definitely pursuing?" Respectfully, of course.
Since you're going to have to figure out how to do it anyway, all you need to do is practice pitching and refining your solution. When you do find yourself in front of a boss, you won't look like a coffee boy delivering a message from someone important. You will embody that important person. You want to be the boss, so move like one… especially with your semi-helpful mentors. They have to see you in that role to fully invest in it; talking about it won't be enough.
A wise man surrounds himself with wise counsel, so don't throw away business relationships because you aren't getting exactly what you want. As you grow to be the president, you are meant to be, you will collect a vast array of cabinet members. Adjust your vision for those who want to be in your corner. You'll have their full attention in no time.